Overheard in Pittsburgh

A guy walks in to a Donnie Iris concert, and gets rocked to death. It can happen, in a small venue.

The next thing he knows, he's up in the clouds, standing before the Pearly Gates.

"Come forward, my son," says St. Peter.

The man looks up behind the saint, and sees all these clocks -- thousands upon thousands of clocks. Some are moving fast, some very slowly. A few aren't moving at all.

"What's with all the clocks?"

"That's one way to tell who gets into Heaven," says St. Peter. "There's a clock for every soul on Earth. Every time a person tells a lie, the hands on his or her clock move once."

One clock was stuck squarely at high noon. "Who's is that?"

"That is the clock of Mother Theresa," answered St. Peter. "It has never moved."

He sees another one, that had stopped at 12:02. "Who's clock is that?"

"That is the clock of Abraham Lincoln," St. Peter said. "He only told two lies in his whole life -- so the clock only moved twice."

The man thought about that for a bit.

"Alright, I have to ask. Which one is Luke Ravenstahl's clock?"

"That one isn't here," replies St. Peter. "We keep that one in Jesus's room. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

(h/t somebody)