Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Liveblogging the State of the Union

Yo, yo, yo Mac ... Comet ... People! Thank you for joining us as we trot out this old weblogging saw!

First, a disclaimer. The Comet Workstation is actually not located in the Comet Theater, but rather in the Comet Commissary. And we can't move it, 'cause its up on egg-crates. Since we'll be darting to and fro, you won't quite be provided with liveblogging so much as life-likeblogging. We hope no one accuses us of fraud and deception.

Keep it locked on this post, and refresh. We'll be spending the interim watching footage of John Delano and Bill Peduto (h/t Poplicola) so you don't have to. We will earn points crazy fast!

8:30- Here are the global, non-negotiable rules:

When he mentions 9/11, mushroom clouds, or something happening on "our soil," drink!
When he says "Moving Forward," drink!
When he invents a word (eg insurrectatiable), or a new nonexistent source of clean energy (eg lithium steam), drink!
When He stands to applaud as She remains seated, drink!
When She stands to applaud as He remains seated, take a long, healthy draught!

You may add house rules if you wish; Wonkette has their own, but remember Her Royal Blogging Highness now works for Time. We predict that with these alone, you'll sleep well at night.

9:02 David Brooks says be prepared for "fewer applause lines." I always watch PBS because I like Brooks & Dunn ... I mean Shields & Brooks.

9:06 One of these days, one of the MEN will show up to Congress in a bright, bright red suit.

9:14 All this sucking up to Madame Speaker. I guess he'll take applause where he can get it.

9:16 The suspense is killing me ... HOW is the state of our union????

9:17 You can see it in Nancy's eyes ... how IS the state of our bloody union?

9:18 Ooh, first partisan applause line: "We can do it w/o raising taxes!"

9:20 Huge deficits? No, we wouldn't want our children to have huge deficits. That'd be awful!

9:23 Okay, I realize he gave a State of the Quagmire address two weeks ago, but he's already into the laundry list, and he hasn't even paid lip service to Iraq.

9:26 Affordable Choices Grants: Rendell will love those! More vague healthcare half-measures to fit in with his own!

9:29 So once again, he wants a temporary worker program, but no amnesty. Think it'll woik? It'll take a miracle...

9:31 "Tonight I ask Congress to join me in pursuing a great goal..." MARS, again?

9:33 Oh my stars -- the SERIOUS challenge of global climate change? It sounded like saying the words actually hurt a little.

9:35 "To win the war on terror, we must take the fight to the enemy." Sorry, that staying on the offense question surely has not been settled, not in the way you mean (though at least now we're getting somewhere with our drinking game...)

9:40 Has Hezbollah taken American lives? I could be wrong, but...

9:41 Is it me, or is Hillary wearing a sort of sk8er boi mullet...

9:42 God, even Cheney looks bored with this March of Freedom crap. And like maybe he's gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now...

9:45 That rhetoric about it's not like us to leave our promises unkept yada yada, was well done. Meaningless, but he'll get high marks. So is this new strategy bit -- sigh -- so he'll get the standard S.O.T.U. bumpage.

9:48 He's still committed to victory in Iraq. And preventing extremists from closing in, wreaking chaos, the creation of safe havens. Like it's not already happening. Good thing he sedated us with his health care agenda beforehand.

9:50 "Whatever you voted for, you did not vote for failure!" No, they voted to strengthen your hand at the UN, whom you proceeded to ignore and defy. They voted to destroy the weapons you guaranteed existed. You provided the failure.

9:53 I think Condi's the only woman in that chamber that could've gotten away with wearing jet black. And with screwing up 9/11.

9:55 Yes, the number of people getting AIDS drugs is skyrocketing. And because you discourage family planning and sex education, that number will keep skyrocketing.

9:57 Wowza, who's that fox behind the Son of the Congo, and to his left?

9:59 Hey, she's Somethin Somethin Clark! Entrepreneur and philanthropist! Tre hottie!

10:02 This guy took a bullet for his buddy, refused medical care, kept firing grenades, and only got a silver star? What do you have to do for gold, rip out bin-Laden's heart with your bare hands?

10:03 That's it, sportsfans. You don't have to go to your home districts, but you can't stay here. Never did find out how the state of our union was going.

10:05 He signs autographs after these things? I hope those don't turn out to be earmarks...

Thank you for joining us! We may do it again sometime, though we feel we may already have seen a shark passing below. Tune in tomorrow for continuing Comet coverage.


  1. I don't think you've mentioned this, but I think it is interesting that Obama is sitting directly in front of Hilary. Do they do assigned seating?

  2. Bush just touched Pelosi's left boob.

  3. I may be wrong, but I think you have to actually die to get a gold star so the guy probably doesn't really mind only getting a silver one.

  4. the purple star is the one to get.